So sleepovers...Great fun because lots of pent up emotion, anecdotes, random stuff gets released and you learn a lot about people.

I really got to know people this time. It was great. I also learned that boys are sketchy and for most part not to be trusted. That's just too bad. I also learned that I am somewhat of a hopeless romantic. What can I say? I can't find love on my own so I must vicariously live through the wonderful P.O.S.

Oooo. Before I forget. Wanna see my dress for the Junior/Senior? It's here.

Actually, rain doesn't stink. It feels nice when you can just run around and frolic in the rain.

junto al río, entre piedras, y a tu lado,

mi corazón maduro

para la maravella y el milagro.

Si una estrella cayese

tendría mi mano.

- Rafael Alberto Arrieta

Another thing about that. You're having a great day, when suddenly one little thing happens that just ruins the rest of it. You end up morbid like me or really depressed and write journal entries like this...

Wow...that's just sad. I'm just sad...

I mean what kind of person revels through the world of Harry Potter for an entire day!?

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her..."

- Julia Roberts in "Notting Hill"

(Em, you're great)

So tonight's dance. Lots of fun. I've never really had fun at a dance before. I suppose it's because I'm so uptight and worried about what everyone will think, but as soon as those inhibitions go, WOOHOO! I think I'm just gonna enjoy myself at these things from now on.

Magda knows how to groove.

Felt a little lonely/awkward during the slow songs, but I'll get over it...

Emmy...mope mope mope, H.G., and strapless dresses...

So Junior/Senior Semiformal = not so bad, not a waste of time/money, extremely tiring, great fun!

Nothing else need be said...

Junior/Senior pictures at http://community.webshots.com/album/112396778WWwBjS and http://community.webshots.com/album/112402963tqzXqx/0

So tired now...



acbuctdeefgbhoiyjkhlemhneohpeqhreshteuhvewhxeyhze

Adam Vinatieri just redeemed himself. He had the legacy and he did it. Deja vu. Beautiful.

Interesting Spanish phrasebook

Coughing

Barnes and Noble

Stupid Ducks

All of this equals a good day...

Cupcake...

Sometimes I wonder if i should be posting my random thoughts here because then people just think I'm totally crazy. And then, if they think that, I lose all credibility as a sane person, or maybe just a person in general. I become a deranged, crazy being that happens to do many things that people do.

Do you think I'm crazy now?

Good times and bad times and boot camp rehearsals...what a weekend!

Dave's my hero!
Jen rocks!

For those I have already hurt, I apologive and hope you'll forgive me. For those I will undoubtedly hurt in the future, please know that I am trying very hard not to.

This has been a public service announcement from the mind of Rachel.

A senior in high school...
Hopefully, accepted to the college of my choice...
Better at cello (also hopefully)...
Better at diving (another hopefully)
A better person...
I'll be 18! OMG! This means no more having to be home at 12 because of stupid MA driving laws. WOOHOO!!!

will cellos have massive amounts of food (wait, we do that at sectionals too)...
will a game show theme song be heard being played by the trumpets...
will Mr. Mucci threaten to have a baby on the podium and name it Kent Jr...
will Mr. Mucci call Melinda "Connor" (wait, he calls her that and other things all the time)...
will Mr. Mucci accuse people of not having brains...
will we work our BUMS off under pain of death...


HELL YEA LHSSO!

Rachel wakes up and begins readying herself for school. At around 7:25, she's begins putting in her contacts. Contact #1 goes in. As does #2. However, Rachel notices that the left eye is still slightly blurry. She writes this off as her tiredness. She departs for school. Upon her arrival, said eye is still blurry. She goes to the bathroom and tries to find the contact in her eye to fix it. It's not there. She calls home and asks mother to bring her her glasses. After a very uncomfortable first block class, she goes down to pick up her glasses. On the way back to class, she stops in the bathroom to remove the right contact and put on her glasses. She decides to just check to see if the left contact is in the case. It is. She puts in said contact and proceeds with her day. She is later informed by her mother that said contact was found in the sink. Moral of the story? Rachel obviously a retahd and contact lense flunkie.

Weird hot guys.....

DEFEND YOURSELF!

CANNONBALL!!!!!

Go....pick up a rock!

WOOOOOOOO!!!

(I swear I'm not on crack. Crack is bad. So are alcohol, cigarettes, and other drugs...)

Anyhoo.... WOOOHOOOOO!!!!

BAH!

(I swear I'm not going crazy either. I'm just really tired and oh so SHLEEPY!!! I spell "sleepy" wrong on purpose because I feel that pronouncing it "shleepy" is more accurate with how I feel.)

Justine IMs me and asks me what the name of Kevin's friend who was in my BosMUN committee last year was. I tell her it was Chris. She says that a Chris Manning, a 2003 BLS graduate, and student at the Naval Academy killed someone and then killed himself.

I was really disturbed, but still didn't think it was him. Then Justine and I did a little Xanga searching and found someone's Xanga who mentioned the whole thing and even had a picture of him. Turns out that it WAS him. I'm so disturbed. He was a nice kid, smart too. I only knew him for a little while and I'm disturbed, but what about his friends and classmates?

Remember Chris and his victim and pray for his friends.

Hallelujah!

Just gotta make it till then though... :(

P.S. I love Monika...

Cheers to all artists!

P.S. International Club dinner rocked! I'm gonna miss all you seniors...

Modest and pure. Polite and refined. And out of her mind!

We left the house around 7:30 am EST for Bradley Airport. My mom and I had a flight to Chicago. This first flight wasn't so bad. We actually met some people we knew who were also headed to Korea via Chicago. We arrived in Chicago a little late, but still had plenty of time to get to our gate. I actually met a white woman who was headed to Seoul to teach English at a languge school. She didn't speak any Korean or know much about te country, but she was nice. Let me just say that I have never seen so many Korean people in an airport. There has to have been at least 600 people getting on that flight. Of course, it was a Boeing 747 so the thing was huge, but that is a LOT of Koreans.

My mom and I actually ended up having to sit separately on the plane, which sucked. On top of that, I was sitting next to a lady with a baby. The baby waas sleeping and the lady asked if she could put her down on the empty seat next to me. I was fine with that, except that the armrest between the lady and the baby didn't move so I offered to change seats with her so she could lay the aby down, thus placing me further away from my mom. Oh well. So about 3 hours into the flight, I had done just about everything to keep myself occupied and was now bored. I was quite ready to get off the plane at that point. Recycled plane air and I don't get along very well either. They served us drinks, lots of food, more drinks. They showed "Welcome to Mooseport" which I didn't watch because it was dubbed in Korean with Japanese subtitles. After that movie, they served more drinks and more food. Then they showed "Cold Mountain" at which point I figured out that I could change the channel so that the movie would be in English, stupid me. After that, they showed another movie called "The President's Barber". This is a Korean movie. I didn't watch this one either. In intervals I played with the baby who was sitting next to me. She was adorable. Fourteen months old and very well behaved. After a while of sitting in that uncomfortable seat, my back pains and butt pains forced me to make myself comfortable on the floor. So much better.I actually slept sitting on the floor with my arms propped on the seat, but that was only for like an hour. Finally, we were within an hour of Korea. I tidied myself up and waited. I was so glad to get off that plane. My first view of Korea was of the beautiful mountains. Everywhere I looked there were luscious green mountains. They looked so different from mountains in the U.S. A quick trip through immigrations and baggage claim later, we were meeting my cousins Sejin and Saemi at the gate.

We took an airport bus into the city. Can I just say that Korea is beautful and there are SO many apartment buildings? Anyway, We arrived at the bus station where my uncle (who I've never met before) picked us up. Another note, Korean drivers are CRAZY! Everyone cuts everyone off, changes lanes without signalling, almost disregard stop lights: it's nuts!

We're staying at my uncle's apartment (everyone here lives in an apartment) in an area of Seoul called Gil-ddong. It's right on the outskirts. The family lives on the eighth floor and you can see much of the city skyline from the balcony. It's pretty cool. My aunts were waiting when we arrived. Of course they had lots of food ready. We ate and my other uncle showed up.

After dinner, around 11:30 pm Korea Time, we decided to go to a a place called Dongdaemun. It's like this humongous shopping district. There are a bunch of huge buildings. Inside is full of stalls, no stores, just stalls. There are floors and floors of every type of clothing imagineable and then jewelry, hair thingies, bags and purses: the works. Apparently this place is open till 4am. After shopping till like 1, we went home, I passed out, yup...

On Saturday, I woke up around 8:30. My cousins Saemi and Sena wanted to take me to see a Korean movie. We took the bus to a place called TechnoMart. It's this huge electronics mall with a movie theater on top. We saw a movie called, roughly translated into English, "A Woman I Know". After the movie, we went to the basement of TechnoMart where they have little Korean food places. It's like homestyle cooking.After some jjajangmyun, tangsooyuk, patbingsoo, and frozen yogurt, we decided to head to a board game room. Apparently these are popular here. however, on the bus ride here, we were all falling asleep and decided to go home and rest.

At home, we watched some Korean tv and then I took a nap. I slept until about 9 at which point we watched this good korean tv show and then a Korean movie. The movie was kinda strange, but it was okay. I called Justine around 1 pm EST to wish her well then went to bed.

On Sunday, I woke up around 7 am KT and just lounged around for a while. We went to church around 11. My uncle's actually the minister and the church is right down the street from the apartment. After service, we went down the the church's cafe on the ground floor of the building. It's a really nice place.

My cousin Saemi had some things to do at church so my uncle, aunt, mom, cousin Sena, and I went to get some lunch. On the way to the restaurant we passed the 1988 Seoul Olympic park. It looked really nice from the car. After a nice lunch at the restaurant, my uncle dropped my mom, cousin, and me off at Lotte Market. He and my aunt went to go visit someone in the hospital. So anyway, the place we started shopping was actually inside the subway tunnel. There are a whole bunch of shops and stalls. It's crazy. From there we moved upward into these outlets and from there into the Lotte Department Store. Now, Korean department stores are NOTHING like American department stores. There are like 12 or so floors and each floors is for different things. One floors is designer clothing, another is Korean designer clothing, another is non-designer casual wear, and so on. The bottom floors is actually a grocery store so the people can shop and get groceries in one trip. It's pretty convenient. From the LotteMart, took the subway to the Hyundai Department Store. The subway reminds me of the T in Boston (ah, good times), just bigger and cleaner. Anyway, a quick peruse through the store and we a taxi back home to Gil-ddong.

Again, I passed out, had the strangest dream (soldiers, buses, belts, Dennis), woke up around 9:30, watched the next episode in the Korean drama I watched yesterday, had and in home facial, slept, and here I am.

Today, I'm heading off to Chejudo, an island off the southern coast of Korea. Apparently, it's like the top honeymoon spot in Korea. Beaches, mountains, it's gonna be great.

O.o?

Anyway, back to being a senior with nothing to do. Today, I came home, finished my miniscule amount of math homework, did the spanish assignment, went to school to develop some film and print some pictures. I then returned home and just hung out. I have been "hanging out" since 6 o'clock. What fun!

Korean dramas rock when you've got nothing better to do, especially old school ones with hot guys like Bae Young Jun. Hehe.

Back to nothingness!

Mike's a dork...

Check out Sam's cool move...

And this just totally made my day...

It is only Tuesday, but ask me how my week is going and the best answer I can give you is shoddy. Let's start with Monday. Most of you know what happened on Monday. I can't say that I don't understand why he did what he did, but I do. He's just better than me. I know it, he knows it. Plain and simple. I can't really decide how I feel though. I'm somewhat relieved because that's one less resposibility for me, but I feel like I'm gonna hafta pick up the slack. I can't just sit back and do nothing to prove to him that it should have been me. That's unfair to everyone else and I wouldn't do that to them. I'm not about to drag my parents and go flip out at him either. That would imply that I didn't understand. I do understand. Well, no matter what, those kids are still MY kids. Nothing could change that. I guess I just hafta suck up whatever resentment and bitterness I feel and continue being the Mommy.

Today is Tuesday. Today I went to diving practice. I have been working on my reverses for about a month and a half. Pete took me up on the dryboard. I could do them up there. I got back down on the regular boards, they just weren't going. I am closer than I have been, but a reverse 1/2 is no fun when I'm supposed to be doing a reverse single. Fun is not something to describe it in the least. It would have been fun if I hadn't landed flat on my back. Lovely...

Well, starting tomorrow things are looking up. Sorta... Just a calc test tomorrow and a cello lesson. After, I get to go sit in on auditions for the play. Thursday's the first pit meeting. I hope I get some good kids. After that I'm gonna bake some brownies for the game against Agawam. Pep band is gonna ROCK. Friday should be fun. A little surprise for a friend. Anyway, things balance out, I guess.

It's been a hectic week.

Monday - First official pit get together hastily moved to my house. "Kiss Me, Kate" viewing party. All I can say is that we've got an interesting bunch.

Tuesday - Rachel stresses over HMUN stuff. Then IC meeting. Then a trip to Costco. Then diving. I dove pretty well, so no complaints.

Wednesday - Early morning SCP meeting to which I am the first arrival. Awesome frisbee practice and scrimmage. LHS GFC rocks. A somewhat poor cello lesson. Arrival at SCP rehearsal to go over cuts with a director. She isn't there. No one is. I end up going to the AP Art Late Night and printing some pictures. Go home and proceed to do some homework.

Thursday - A disappointing turn out at frisbee. Some drills, a sudden downpour. Homework and then massive amount of studying for bio test.

Friday - Bio test! Tutor. Then to Meaghan's to aid in baking a cake. Home to do nothing. Some cello practice for my YPS seating audition tomorrow morning. And again, I do nothing.

Saturday (tomorrow) - YPS seating audition. A last minute shopping excursion. PARTY OF THE YEAR!

Sunday - Church, YPS. And the week begins again...

Will this be how I'll feel next year?

"Take my hand I'm a stranger in paradise
All lost in a wonderland
A stranger in paradise
If i stand starry eyed there's a danger in paradise
For mortals who stand beside
An angel like you"

So...several bits of bad news all within 5 hours.

5:15 pm      The LHS Diving Team still does not have a coach. Season starts November 29th.

9:00 pm      The play really blows. Curtain goes up November 17th at 7:00 pm.

10:00 pm    Buddy James has sprained his ankle. Oh dear...

Really...I knew the good karma wouldn't last, but isn't this a bit extreme????

School was so-so, but that's to be expected. I gave the cello section a little talking to. I hope that'll clear things up. Got home and there's this

on my table. I assumed it was my parents, but then I open the card and see this



That just totally made my day. I love Jen and Mandy. After, I headed back to school for opening night. Much setting up, a little nervousness, a wonderful Act I by Kent and I was up. It went so much better than I could have hoped. The pit was amazing (I LOVE YOU GUYS!). Only a few minor flubs (I did not mess up "Too Darn Hot" I thought it was good.) and we were done. It was totally amazing. Better than the rehearsals. Both my parents and Pit got me flowers. It's nice to know I'm loved. After, a few people and I went out to get some food, talk a little, and unwind. Overall, good day. Let's hope tomorrow rocks as well. Pit, you got this!

I love the Pit. They are all so amazing. Night two of the show tonight. It wasn't that bad. Phil and I totally were all over "Too Darn Hot". He also asked me to sigh at the end of "Bianca", so I did...REALLY LOUD. People laughed. Phil enjoyed it though. Doug and I got the "Finale". WAHOO!

Went out to Friendly's with the Pit after. That was a good time. Poor Dana and the Hausman-Landry double team. I must say though, she looked like she enjoyed it. So funny. It's a night I will remember forever. The words "I slept with Dave" and "You're pregnant?!" should never be heard in the same conversation. Rebecca needs to stay from the cups of water. Oh man... Check out some pictures here. I had such an amazing time. Thanks to all of you who made it possible. Much Love!

So it started off like any other morning. I wake up, go to school, blah blah blah... After school, I have a slight tantrum at the IC meeting. I hope the tantrum was worth it. Anyway, I went home for a bit and then headed over to SC for a little diving practice.

I made a decision. I said to myself, "Diving season starts next week. You need to do a reverse." So I worked up my courage and asked Tim if I could work on my reverses. He agrees. I do tons of lead ups and something finally clicks in my head. After many successful lead ups, which involves me throwing myself off the board and landing on my butt/back, I decided to try the dive. I'm in the air, Tim calls the tuck, and I actually tucked! I not only tucked, but I managed to get the somi going and ended up shins first in the water. Totally not bad for a first attempt. I do another lead up and then try the somi again. This time I manage to open up and have my feet touch the water first. Another lead up, another somi. Another lead up, another somi. Then I do two somis in a row. I was so psyched. I have learned how to do a reverse. Then I moved on to 1 1/2 front somis. A couple of smacks later, I move on to back dives. Then on to back somi. Now, I usually end up overrotating my back somis like crazy. Tim wants me to try it straight instead of tuck. I try and end up piking rather than straight. He says, ":Okay, try doing it pike on purpose." Wahoo! So now I do a back somi pike. Then I move on to inwards. After a few decent inward dives, I try some inward somis. Not great, but getting close. Lovely.

Later, I feel like having ice cream. My brother and I head over to Cold Stone. It is 9:30 by the time we get there. The doors are locked. The Store Hours definitely say closes at 10. We start walking away when Morag Gilad comes and opens the door for us. She ushers us in. By this point I feel terrible because they're already cleaning. Morag says it's okay and begins to make me ice cream. Another family comes to the door and Morag asks me to let them in. I feel really bad now because they have to serve more customers. Well, Isaac and I tipped them and told them they didn't have to sing. Morag was very glad. I was happy I got my ice cream.

Overall, good day.

Everything's a mess. I don't know why I feel the way I do. I wish I could blame hormone imbalances, but I can't. I dunno. I'm disillusioned and disappointed.

20 more points to go for WMass...

*relieved sigh*

So it's finally all over. Today was the last day of school before the holiday break. I can say that I was more than ready for this. By the end of last week, I was already at my wits' end with everything that was going on. Winter Concert rehearsals, diving practices and meets, schoolwork, college applications, and other things. I was also going through a rough time mentally. Actually, I still am, but I hope this break will help me clear a few things up. I honestly don't know what is going on. I think I just need some time to think a few things out. The busyness of my schedule has prevented me from having a lot of down time. This further stresses the fact that I DO need a LOT of down time. Well, I hope this vacation is productive for me. I hope to start the new year as a more relaxed and more enlightened person.

If there's a prize for rotten judgement,
I guess I've already won that.
No man is worth the aggravation,
That's ancient history, been there, done that.

Who'd 'ya think you're kiddin'?
He's the Earth and heaven to ya.
Try to keep it hidden,
Honey, we can see right through ya.
Girl, ya can't conceal it,
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of.

No chance, no way,
I won't say it, no, no

You swoon, you sigh,
why deny it, uh-oh?

It's too cliche,
I won't say I'm in love.

I thought my heart had learned its lesson.
It feels so good when you start out.
My head is screaming get a grip, girl,
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out.

You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling.
Baby, we're not buying,
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling.
Face it like a grown-up,
When ya gonna own up,
That ya got, got, got it bad.

No chance, now way,
I won't say it, no, no.

Give up, give in,
Check the grin you're in love.

This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love.

You're doin' flips read our lips,
You're in love.

You're way off base,
I won't say it.
Get off my case.
I won't say it.

Girl, don't be proud.
It's O.K. you're in love.

At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love

"I Won't Say (I'm in Love)"

Meg from Disney's "Hercules"

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord."

Luke 2:10-11

Remember the essence of Christmas.

Been having some good times lately. Chillin' with the peeps. It's been real fun. There hasn't been an unproductive day this entire vacation. Lovely.

Still in a weird funk. Don't know what's going on. Oh well.

A look back at 2004.

January

Senior District

- Met some interesting people

Diving

A good time breaking loose at the Junior/Senior

- Shows you don't need guys to have fun

Music meltdown

- Still got in to All State

I discover the wonderful world of Photography

February

Patriots win the Super Bowl!

Western Mass. Swimming and Diving Champs

- I contributed 4 points to the season

A much needed lull

March

Bonding time with Lay Lay

All State

- Eek. While I had a lot of bonding time with people, I don't know if I enjoyed the musical aspect. Not sure I want to do it again.

I start actually wearing contacts.

A stab at the SATs

April

LHS Symphony at Carnegie Hall

- I don't know how I feel about that. We got on stage and I felt that we struggled. A few days later I listened to the judges' tape though and it didn't sound too bad.

Chicago

- I discovered Northwestern. I absolutely loved it.

Great Grandma passes away

- We'd kinda been expecting her to go. She'd been having a really tough time these past few years. I just never want to see my grandma cry again.

May

A little reminder of reality in Chris.

My first AP exams.

- Ugh for Physics.

Mutual Inadvertant Stalkage

- Hehe...

Another, not so successful, stab at the SATs

June

A packed month

ACTs

IC Club dinner

Shafted

Issues with the Bro

I survived Physics (or as a ghetto wannabe puts it "fyzyx")

Grotesque Finals

Graduation parties up the hizzle

July

KOREA!!

- I had an amazing time. Got back to my roots. Discovered a whole world outside my little MA bubble.

Goodbye, Esther...

- Perhaps the worst event of the year. We get a phone call out of nowhere and that's it. I don't know how well I've dealt with it. Miss you always, Love you forever.

The Return of the Justine

- Justine had an interesting time in Spain. I was without her for over a month...

August

Struggle

ARISE

Enjoying the last of summer

September

The start of Senior year

- Felt like I wasn't really doing anything.

Lots my chair to John

- Still don't know how I feel about that, but I'm dealing. It seems like others still have doubts about it. I'm trying to be supportive and work for the group. I don't know what to do about it thought because I know some people don't really see him as a leader. They come to me instead, but I don't want to undermine his position. I hope things get better.

October

Party!

San Diego

- Fun in the sun.

The official start of Pit

- Lots of good times. Lots of stress.

College application hell

Second seat in YPS

- I don't know what the heck Mr. Smith was thinking.

November

Senior District auditions

Senior Class Play HELL

- It turned out okay though. I'm glad.

I got engaged... JUST KIDDING

Powderpuff

- I am a defensive BEAST

December

Diving

- I love Laura. She stepped in for us in the crunch. Welcome, Paul. Hello teammates old and new. A hope for a productive season. Let's here it for the Captains.

Last Fruit Sale

Last Super Bowl appearance for the seniors of '05

Apparently, I won an award for one of my photographs.

HMUN

- Oh man. Lots of drama. Lots of sketchiness. I'm shoved into reality. Still don't know how to deal with that.

Deferred.

Rachel's Meltdown

- I don't know what was going on. I was in a weird funk. Really depressed. Really not like myself.

A much needed vacation

- I just think I haven't had enough down time. This past month just really stressed the importance for me.

My 18th Birthday

- I am now 18! No more midnight driving restrictions.

Christmas

- My debut as a singer

- All nighter with the K Crew

- I don't know if it really happened. I feel like it never came.

Boston

- cousins, snow storm, oh my.

Lots of bonding time with people.

More application hell.

New Year's Eve

- Good times.

Looking back, it's been a tough year. Emotionally taxing. Spiritually depressing. Physically tiring. I've been through a lot. I've learned a lot. I've changed a lot.

A look into 2005.

- Lots of music stuff.

- Hopefully I get into the college of my choice.

- Senior activities including GRADUATION!

- My last summer.

- College

   - Away from home, away from my family. Out on my own, without anybody.

   - A new beginning. A new chapter in my life.

Resolutions

I'm not making any. All I hope is for me to grow as a person.

A toast to you all for a wonderful new year.

Let us begin.

Monday - Our first day back in school and our first diving practice without Laura. I miss her.

Tuesday - School and a meet against Easthampton. Our divers did awesome!

Wednesday - More school and our first diving practice under the supervision of JP. Joy! Wasn't very productive. Some boy confusion. Don't ask.

Thursday - SNOW DAY!!! Good times.

Friday - Huge meet against Northampton. I dove poorly. I don't know what the heck was up with me, but I just couldn't do anything right. We lost anyway. The depression also started to creep back. Watched "A Cinderella Story" to cheer me up.

Saturday - Get up and get dressed. Check away messages on AIM. Discover that Districts is postponed due to the weather. Strip down and go back to bed. Get up later on and laze about the house. Later go to the Ferris'. Watch "Chasing Liberty". Oh, Goody.

Sunday - Get up. Go to Districts. What fun! not... I really have no motivation to do those kinds of things, but I do them anyway. It's just my luck that I end up sitting right in front of the conductor. I fake my way through much of the rehearsal. A long bus ride home. Discover that Grandma has been taken to the hospital cuz she's still got some remnants of pneumonia. She should be home in a few days. The doctors just want to monitor her. I am home alone. Lovely.

Oh man. It was such a great night. A quick flight from YPS. A quick beauty session. A quick photography session. A quick driving session later, and we were at the Oaks. We being my date, Dave M., Rebecca C., and Matt Berg. I love Matt Berg! I really met him on Saturday and he's just an awesome kid. (If anyone who knows Matt Berg is reading this, you should show him.) Of course, I also love Dave. After a half an hour of awkward time waiting for people to start dancing the party started hopping. I cut loose and broke it down. I definitely danced like no one was watching. A little salsa, a little swing, a little hip hop, a little Britney. Some Ciara. It was a good time. I really had so much fun. I love dancing. I should do it more often. It was definitely worthwhile to get away from everything for a few hours. Overall, a great time...

Here are some picture links from last night's craziness...

Mine

http://community.webshots.com/album/253647659iZDuGF

James's

http://www.ofoto.com/BrowsePhotos.jsp?&collid=55488006706&page=1&sort_order=0

Anyone else want to add??

Reverse 1 1/2, 1 1/2. Get your mind around that...

Head in lap, dead, but warm, leg. I love Jimmy. (Don't worry, Shayna. Not like that.)

How is it possible for one little thing to drive me back to the way I was? It finally seemed like things were picking up for me, but I still feel crappy.

On a lighter note, I won a portfolio nomination from the Boston Globe for my photo portfolio. It's awesome cuz I wasn't expecting anything. Go see it on display at the Transportation Building across from the Wang Center in Boston. It'll be there until February 18th.

Another note, my horrible All State audition apparently wasn't so bad. I got in and got a decent chair. I'm convinced it was because that judge likes me. She was the judge last year. She and I talked about the weather. Honestly though, it was the worst I had ever played the piece. I guess I've got something I don't know about. Maybe it's my pretty face. *wink wink*

On a not so light note. I guess things will never be the same.

P.S. I love my diver children.

Sunday - Patriots win the Superbowl. Lovely.

Monday - Lots of work and Rachel is cranky.

Tuesday - Last meet of the season. We lost, but oh well. I made Garreffi cry.

Wednesday - Cello, Diving, Vivaldi rehearsal.

Thursday - A potential snow day down the drain. Lots of smacks at diving. Night rehearsal. A momentous occasion. Mucci let us out 45 minutes early. Unheard of.

Friday - More school, diving, Midnight Pancakes.

So in review. I guess I was somewhat busy this week. Not to many emotional breakdowns this week, so that was better. I'm still confused, but I've decided to pull the John, Paul, George, and Ringo and let it be.

So I am 18 years old. I have been mistaken for a married woman. I've been told that I seem to be in my mid 30s. Some think I'm in college. Helen says I'll be 12 forever. I'm also often called Mom. So how old am I really?

You Are 21 Years Old

21 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

*TEARS*

So tonight was our 2004-2005 Swimming and Diving Banquet. It was the last time that we would be together as a team. This made me totally sad. We had such a great time this season. We had a great time at dinner. I got a wand that lights up from Katie. She's amazing. James read a speech written by his "ex-girlfriend Katie." Katie said that she'd "piss her pants" in front of everyone. I told JP and everyone else that "James and I are not together." Caitlin almost cried. Heather was really sweet. Autumn was likened to a prostitute (in the BEST way). Chippy was Chippy. Matt is going to marry Katie in 10 years. Kimi will marry Katie in 20 years. James will marry Katie in 30 years. He later proposed to her. Anyway, I'm really gonna miss all my babies (even though some were unexpected).It was just a good time. I love them all.

HUGS TO MY BABIES!

Wake. Car ride. Intentions. Free samples. Makeover. Flies. Photos. Costco. Another makeover. Exploring in Springfield. Symphony. Calc homework. Church. Email. English essay. YPS forever. Velveeta Shells and Cheese. Jenny Oh. Clean room. Bio incest. Sleep now?

Intense amounts of cello really hurts. I mean SERIOUSLY. Just ow.

Katie K. is a smart cookie.

JMeU is AMAZING.

If I wink, will you wink back?

Lil Miss Korea: wanna know who i have a date with next next weekend?
swtkjen416: yes
Lil Miss Korea: really???
Lil Miss Korea: you wanna know???
swtkjen416: YESSSS
Lil Miss Korea: really really really?
swtkjen416: YESYESYES
Lil Miss Korea: ok
Lil Miss Korea: i'll tell you
Lil Miss Korea: name is.....
Lil Miss Korea: JAMIE YU!!!
Lil Miss Korea: AHAHAHAHA
swtkjen416: .....cricket cricket*
swtkjen416: *bangs head on table* .. good.
swtkjen416: HAHAHA
Lil Miss Korea: haha
Lil Miss Korea: i'm amazing
swtkjen416: .. u are.
swtkjen416: indeeeddd
Lil Miss Korea: yup yup yup

I'm stupid, but she makes me laugh.

Oh, Jamie...

smartiegurl7: ur so weird
Lil Miss Korea: i know
Lil Miss Korea: hehe
Lil Miss Korea: but you love me for it
smartiegurl7: true
Lil Miss Korea: yup yup yup

She makes me smile.

Gosh, I love my friends.

3 names you go by:
1. Rachel
2.  Eunheh
3. Mommy

3 screennames you have had:
1. Mitla104
2. I Am Smart104 (Justine stole the IamSmart103 from me)
3. KimEunheh

3 things you like about yourself:
1. My chubby cheeks
2. My tiny hands
3. My soft hair

3 things you don't like about yourself:
1. My temper
2. My legs
3. My inability to control what I say

3 things that scare you:
1. Failure
2. Back somis
3. People seeing what's inside my head

3 of your everyday essentials:
1. Email/AIM addiction (right, Rebecca?)
2. Music. Lots and lots of music.
3. Chocolate

3 new things you want to try in the next twelve months:
1. Learning a new instrument
2. Discovering me
3. COLLEGE. EEK!

3 things you want in a relationship:
1. Someone to take care of me
2. Warm fuzzies
3. General happiness

2 truths and a lie (in any order):
1. I actually practice cello, A LOT
2. My hair is not naturally this color
3. I love writing.

Can you spot the lie?

3 physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you
1. Someone who's significantly taller than me (it's not really that hard)
2. A nice chest? (Oh man.)
3. Pretty eyes

3 things about the opposite sex that appeal to you (not physically):
1. Smartness (not necessarily book smart, just SMART)
2. Someone who can show some TLC (tender, loving care) 
3. Someone who can appreciate the arts and music and then find joy in things like cartoons

3 places you want to go on vacation:
1. España
2. Italia
3. Tahiti

3 boy's names:
1. Alex
2.  James (not YOU, James)
3. Dave (not YOU EITHER, Dave)

3 girls' names:
1. Alex (not Alexa, not Alexandra, just Alex)
2. Jamie
3. Anna

3 ways I am stereotypically a boy:
1. I love football and baseball 
2. I call some people by their last names 
3. I like buffalo wings?

3 ways i'm stereotypically a girl:
1. I love making myself pretty (or prettier, whichever you prefer)
2. I'm emotional 
3. I listen to boy bands and reminisce

I guess that's me in a nutshell.

There once was a girl named Justine,
And she couldn't keep her socks clean.
No matter what she stayed lean,
Even when her friends told her she was mean.
One day she ate a magical bean,
And soon found the boy of her dreams named Dean.
Even though she was only a teen,
They married making Justine the queen.
Out of envy we all turned green,
Nothing like this could be foreseen.
Justine made us all Asian cuisine,
To keep us from making a scene.
Soon we all became serene,
After jumping on Justine's trampoline!

Thanks Emily. You made my day.

To read the story with accompanying illustrations, click here.

Me at the tender age of...baby?



Aren't I adorable?


Preschool me. Longmeadow Montessori style...




Me and my brother. We look like such angels here...

So that is a little blast from my past...

We begin...

Thursday 7:00 am
On the bus. Chilled with Rebecca, Dave, Emma, and Liz. My cello actually got to go inside the bus so I was totally excited. Rebecca and I pretended to be mad at each other to annoy Dave. It was fun and funny. Towards the end he actually started believing us (he denies this, but he really did).

9:15 am
We arrive at the Boston Park Plaza Hotel. I love it there, by the way. Such good memories. We waited around for a while so Mucci could get us registered and stuff. It took longer than he expected and we were late to rehearsal. I hate being late to rehearsal. Anyway, our conductor was this really chill asian dude. He was awesome. My stand partner was this cute little freshman boy. He looked SO YOUNG. I also sorta ended up sitting next to the principal bassist named Carl. Carl's a senior. He's funny. Anyway, rehearsal till 1.

1 pm
We go to lunch at the hotel. It's salad. Just salad... Back to rehearsal afterwards till 3:45. A short break and then rehearsal from 5:30 - 7. I had to wrap up my right arm from wrist to elbow with an ace bandage. I also worre a wrist brace on my left wrist. People felt sorry for me. I felt sorry for me.

7 pm
Dinner. Met a lot of Dave's GBYSO friends (I pretty much had no friends in the orchestra. Pathetic, I know. Well, except for Kiara). Kena was nice. She reminded me of me in a lot of ways. Peter was just funny. Almost the typical high school guy, almost... More rehearsal till 9. Then us Longmeadow kids plus Peter Scuderi (different Peter), who is an absolute darling, hung out in one of the random meeting rooms at the hotel. At around 10, we made some friends. These kids were from Cape Cod and hilarious. Brandon the Pirate was a riot. We made a map of Massachusetts with Chewy bars and peanut butter crackers and then marked off where everyone lived with M&Ms. It was great fun. We were hearded into our rooms at like 11. Total bummer.

Friday 8 am
Wake up and get ready for a LOVELY day of rehearsing. We watched Rugrats and Sponge Bob while beautifying ourselves. You know what they gave us for breakfast? Muffins. Just muffins. I ended up sharing the Poptarts I brought with me and Rebecca had her Chewy bars. More rehearsing.

1 pm
Lunch, which again was just SALAD. I watched the Accidentals perform. They are so amazing. Poor Susie. I was so amazed at their professionalism. To keep going after someone gets sick on the stage and the director leaves to help her out. How many groups do you know that would do that? More rehearsal till 4.

4 pm
Our director was so chill. He let us off way way early because he said we were working hard and sounded really good. Basically, Dave and I chilled because all the other groups were still rehearsing. Finally, band finished up and Rebecca and Emma and Peter S. joined us. The basses did a smart thing and ordered food in and had a bass dinner. The rest of us just ate the food provided. It wasn't actually too bad. We did run throughs from 7:30 - 8:30 and then were off for the night.

8:30 pm
Lots of chillin'. Certain people are funny when slightly tipsy (don't worry, I'm a good kid. So are Rebecca, Emma, Dave, Peter, and Liz). Isaac (not my brother) was on the prowl. I tried to protect my babies from him. He wouldn't dare mess with them. Lots of fun and funny things said and done. I don't want to mention some of it here because it's possibly incriminating and I wouldn't want to do that. Herded back into our rooms around 11.

11 pm
Chilled with our roommates Justine P. and Sarah. They were cool. Justine actually is in MYWE with Mucci. We swapped Mucci stories. It was fun. Bed time.

Saturday 5:40 am
So we overslept and got ready for breakfast in the grand space of 20 minutes. Impressive, eh? A breakfast of bagels this time. An interesting time loading buses for symphony hall. Again, GBYSO bass players are funny, in a good way. We had a bit of downtime before our dress rehearsal. I basically just sat and spaced out. Somewhat interesting run throughs. I absolutely love playing at Boston Symphony Hall,. It's a great place.

9:30 am
We chilled in the concert hall with the band people and listened to jazz. They were okay. Then we had lunch and basically wandered around. It was a good time.

2:00 pm
Showtime. We rocked it out on stage. I played 95% of the music. My rock stop slipped sorta halfway through (I know, I know, isn't the rock stop supposed to keep the cello from slipping? It's a long and complicated explanation).

4:00 pm
Dinner at Fugakyu with my parents and brother. Good Japanese food. We decided to stop by my grandparents apartment on the way home. I fell asleep there. We ended up leaving Boston at 8.

9:45 pm
Home sweet home.

So that was my All State weekend. If you hear any strange stories about me, they're NOT TRUE. I swear I was a good child. :D 

It was absolutely gorgeous outside today! I wish I had these. 8-) Mine broke. So I'm going stir crazy, or at least college crazy. I hate this whole waiting thing. I just want to know where I'm gonna be in the fall. Those of you who know me well know that I'm absolutely OCD about scheduling and knowing what I'm supposed to be doing. YEA. Anyway, I'm gonna be in Philly on the YPS trip the first weekend of April. Meaning if anyone sends me a letter, I have to rely on my mother to tell me about it. How unexciting. Oh man, that just reminds me of the kid at HMUN last year who called his parents almost hourly to find out if he got into Wharton, the business school at UPenn. He did. We heard the "YES!" from the hallway. He was excited. Congratulations were offered. That also reminds me of the kid who applied EA to Harvard and got rejected right before he got to HMUN. That musta totally sucked. Just wow. He must have been so bitter. I know I would have been. Actually, maybe not. Harvard's not really my top choice (for some of you reading this, you might be thinking that I'm just saying that to protect myself, but I'm really not). Anywho, the last few days have been a huge emotional rollercoaster. Lots of things going on. Lots of things to make me smile or wink. Other things that make me sad. Apparently, according to Chipkin, I don't think of my feelings and what I want often enough. She says it's unhealthy. I think of my wants plenty. I just like making sure other people don't get hurt. Is there something wrong with that? I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to get my wrists checked out. I probably shouldn't be typing either. Oh well. Mr. Smith said just not to let them tell me that I couldn't play cello for two months. That of course, is absolutely out of  the question. No way am I missing my last Major Works in which we are playing The Planets or the YPS Season Finale. As much as I say I don't enjoy YPS, it's really managed to take a special place in my heart. Maybe it's cuz I've been doing it for four years and have worked my way up. I dunno. I think about it now and get a little sentimental. It's really too bad that I have the sudden urge to practice cello more when my arms are in bad shape. Rather ironic, isn't it? A certain person is rubbing off on me. A desire to practice, motivation to get all my work done quickly and effectively, what is the world coming to? Oh man, I only have like 37 days of school left! Not that I counted or anything. But think about it. Honestly. 37 days? That's absolutely ridiculous (or "rediculous" as Emily spells it). Someone mentioned something about laughing when juniors mentioned taking the SATs. I don't have to do that anymore! Taking them twice was bad enough. I don't have to register for tests. I don't really have to do homework, but that's debatable. I've stopped trying in English. I sorta just sit there and do other things. She doesn't even say anything to me. Oh well. I'm not doing a spring sport. I feel like I should be doing something active. I should probably go dive with Pete. Maybe I'll look for a ballroom dancing class or something. That sounds like fun. Oooo, or yoga. We tried it in gym today. It was fun. Any suggestions? You know, I'm not photogenic at all. Just not at all. It's too bad, really.

LilMissKorea: actually, i had a salad
LilMissKorea: the world is coming to an end

Yup. I concur. Oooo. What should I do over April vacation? I highly doubt that my family is going away. Any ideas, suggestions, offers? Anyone want to take me with them? coughLyricsPeoplecough, coughJulesWucough. Anyone??? I don't take up much space. I can pack light. I don't steal covers usually. I can be a good child if I have to. Am I boring you? This is a lot to read. I suppose by now only my most dedicated fans are reading this. That's like a fan club of one. HOT. For my one fan, you know who you are (even if I don't), I LOVE YOU! YOU ROCK! If you leave me a message and tell me who you are, I'd be glad to send an autograph or something. Hehe! I'm just getting a little antsy right now. I guess that's it. Have a lovely evening.

Lil Miss Korea: i practiced

Another sign that the world is coming to an end. First, I eat a salad. Now I practice?? What is wrong with me?

So one year later, I send my love out to everyone who knew her.

Esther,
You were truly one in a billion. No one can ever take your place. I hope you're happy, watching us from wherever you are. We all want to make you proud. We're working things out. It just isn't the same without you. I wish you were here. I'll never forget you.

Love,
Rachel

I went to a wedding today. I'm not usually very outwardly emotional and I wasn't today. However, just watching two people so in love was a really touching experience. Now I don't know if people have noticed this, but customarily at wedding ceremonies, there will be a packet of tissues somewhere in the seats. It's kind of weird if you think about it. I mean, if it's someone else's wedding, why would you be crying? I have to say, people who plan weddings know what's up. For example, today the younger sister of the bride sang "Can't Live a Day Without You" by Avalon after the exchange of vows. Even I started getting teary eyed, not to mention all the older ladies (my mom included) actually crying. It was almost ridiculous. Anyway, continuing on... The reception was something of a circus, what with all the glass tapping and such. At one point, the groom finally pulled  the whole Hollywood kiss, back bending and all. Later, he SANG to his new wife. It was a surprise for her. This even, gave me the urge to shed a few glistening tears. So what I'm trying to say...I was given the great privilege to see two people so in love. It's an amazing thing. I hope somewhere in the future (not near future, just future) I find someone who will love me that much. Till then...I am only 18. I can wait.

My best wishes to Sam and Ahrum. Cheers.

Anyway, I'm home for Thanksgiving!!!! However, I figure I should fill you in on the past few weeks since Emily and Justine yelled at me for not doing so sooner. Last post was Halloween, so...let's see...

First weekend of November...

Sheer craziness schoolwise...I studied a LOT. My roommate and I actually BOTH fell asleep at the library.  Pathetic, eh? The studying didn't actually do much. I probably woulda gotten the same grades on everything even if I hadn't studied. Oh well...

Second weekend of November...

After hell week, I was graced with the presence of the one and only Ducky and Magda. Lots of fun. Shopping, eating, "partying." We waited for like forever for a table at California Pizza Kitchen, but it was worth it. After, we ended up at MIT Karaoke Revolution-ing it up with Burton 1. They're hilarious. On Saturday, Justine ended up making me go back to the 'Meadow with her. I spent Sunday at church like a good girl. It was nice to see everyone.

Third weekend of November...

Also sheer craziness...Cello lesson Friday afternoon (very BAD), quartet rehearsal, Deeper...I CAN'T BELIEVE WE GOT A PARKING TICKET!!!! That kinda sucked, but we're appealing it. Went to 404 for the nighttime and watched Fantastic 4. It kinda sucked, but that's okay...Saturday was TSO concert day. Dress rehearsal at Fanuiel Hall. That was fun cuz I got to hang out with some cool people. I ended up not playing half the concert cuz of balance issues. I am so glad that BS is done. The concert was okay. Headed back to Tufts and fell asleep while watching Underworld with the chicas. That was a better movie than Fantastic 4. Sunday was a work day...still didn't get it all done though. Bah.

Fourth Weekend of November...

We shall see what it brings. I'm at home. Spending time with all my "loves." I love my mom's cooking, my bed, my car, and free laundry. Wahoo!!!

Peace out, yo.

1. How does the world see me?

“A Knife in the Dark” – LOTR soundtrack.

I guess I’m kinda scary afterall. Killer bass though.

2. Will I have a happy life?

“Can’t Get You Outta My Head” – Kylie Minogue

Ummm…I’m gonna take this one as a no. Or maybe it’s just reminding me of the good old days…

3. What do my friends really think of me?

"Gone” – Kelly Clarkson

Really? L

4. Do people secretly lust after me?

Promenade from Pictures at an Exhibition by Modest Mussorgsky

I don’t even know. I guess it means that people are pondering about me.

5. How can I make myself happy?

“Stil Afraid of the Dark” – The Saw Doctors

A child at heart, guardian angels…I guess I need to return from my childhood.

6. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?

“To Where You Are” – Josh Groban

I’m an inspiration? Or someone else is my forever love?

7. What song will play at my funeral?

“Meet Me in the Red Room” – Moulin Rouge Soundtrack

Is this implying that I’m a prostitute?

8. What type of men/women do I like?

“Joy to the World” – Point of Grace

Someone alike to Jesus Christ? Maybe?

9. What is my day going to be like?

“Homebrew” – 311

A little bit of power to me? Rachel on a power trip = BAD

10. What's my theme song?

“You Ain’t Nothin’ But a Hound Dog” – Elvis

“They said you was high class, but that was just a lie.” Oh my…

11. What will I be in the future?

Andantino (Ysobel) from The Enigma Variations by Edward Elgar

A classical composer maybe? Or like this person Ysobel?

12. What song will play at my wedding?

“Come What May” – Moulin Rouge

Awww... Amen to that!

sweet sweet chocolate

I *heart* Odwalla

food = good

i get cold easily

loads of memories

my ipod come to think of it...

baby helps me get everywhere...

Dahe, Dean...oh yes...

i wouldn't trade them...and i would definitely do a lot of it over...

Utopia? Chinatown?

especially ones who care how i'm doing and make me smile

those understand my craziness to the fullest and don't judge me for it...

Grandma who calls me to make sure i'm wearing a scarf in the cold weather,
my brother who drives me to Costco (even if it's after a bit of nagging),
my dad who makes it possible to live my highroller lifestyle,
my mommy who listens when i freak out and doesn't laugh when i ask her to bring me back long johns from Korea

sometimes dark and dreary, but other times amazingly fun

reminds me that sometimes i do need to slow down and rest

teaches me how to treat people better

not exactly the quickest way of getting anywhere, but teaches me a lesson in patience

shows me how to become a better person and not get caught in the petty details of life

i AM human. people DO care about me.

• Realizing that someone is a kindred spirit. I don't even know how to really describe this. Some might not even know what a kindred spirit is. A kindred spirit is a person you almost immediately feel comfortable with, someone who you feel like you've known forever. It's that person you can say, "This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship," to.
  


• Hearing one of my all time favorite classical pieces performed live at a random church in Paris. By a stroke of fortune or act of God, Justine's cousin and friends suggested we attend a concert in a small church in Paris. It was a double string quartet performing Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik and a bunch of the Ave Marias (Schubert, Bach-Gounod, Mozart). By church, I really mean a small cathedral...stone, vaulted ceilings, and everything. The acoustics were absolutely amazing. I was completely in awe. They were so together sans conductor. I didn't know it was possible...(nudge nudge PVL)...When they started the Bach-Gounod Ave Maria I almost started giggling from glee. She wasn't the most amazing singer in the world, but still...WOW. You can listen to it. My camera's not the best for audio, but it's there.

• Being able to take a bath in the dark while listening to classical music. So now that I'm on my classical music vein, I should just continue. Hot water + Darkness + Renee Fleming singing "Song of the Moon" from Rusalka = amazing.

• Crawling into my mom's bed while she's sleeping and having lethargic conversations with her that she probably won't remember. It's simpler than that even. Just lying there under the warm covers listening to her deep even breathing is comforting. It's a safe place away from everything. In those moments, nothing can go wrong. Everything is absolutely perfect. It sounds really childish and really stupid, but I don't know if I'll ever be too old to do that. 

Howdy, y'all!

So it's been a while since the last time, more than a month actually. I haven't really been doing much, but right now I am in the great state of Texas! Me and the missions team are headed down to Oaxaca to spend a week in the mountains, but our first flight got delayed and we ended up missing out connection. We are currently chillin' in Houston, TX. This has been a blessing in disguise. Originally, our flight was scheduled to leave at 5:30 am, so we arrived at Logan International at 12 am for a looooong night. Some really nice airport worker did bring us cots though, but some other guy was doing maintenance work and there was like a jackhammer all through the night. Bad bad bad. Anyway, our flight got delayed 2+ hours and we chilled some more in the airport, effectively missing our flight outta Houston. We are staying at the Hampton Inn. It is honestly the nicest Hampton Inn I have ever seen. People in Texas are great, too. We had some down time to recuperate from our long night and ended up going out to this restaurant called Pappacito's for dinner. It was amazing. TexMex is gooooood. The waiter was hilarious, too. I love Helen. She just asks honest questions pertaining to her food and somehow manages to get lots of interesting personality out of waiters. It's great. Christine was the only one to finish her meal and she said it was because she "didn't want to have to carry it back." Hilarious. Anyway, we head out tomorrow morning. No contact till after I get back on the 29th. See ya!

So being in Madrid has totally reminded me of how unattractive I find the mullet. It is truly horrendous. Previously, I had thought that it was a trend only in Podunk, Deep South. Apparently, I am wrong. I should have known better because even some international fútbol stars have been seen sporting the mullet (forgive the pun). I just don´t get it. Does it really look good on anybody? A friend alleged that I would be a fan of the mullet by the time I left Spain. I truly truly hope not. One hairstyle that I do like is the fauxhawk. Many, many Spanish men can be seen sporting the fauxhawk. It is, in short, awesome. I really do enjoy seeing a guy with a nice fauxhawk.

Another thing I like, for now, about Madrid. The weather here is pretty consistent. Today´s forecast...sunny. Tomorrow´s forecast...sunny. How about two weeks from now? Sunny. The morning´s are on the chilly side. Brisk enough to wear a shawl or a light jacket. By noontime, the heat really starts to set in. If you want to take a walk midafternoon, remember that the Spanish sun is stronger than that of good old Massachusetts. It´´s pretty much tank top and shorts weather all the time. Back home, I constantly have to check weather.com for Mother Nature´s whims. Here, I haven´t checked the weather in a week and I´m not really worried. It´s quite nice. I´m sure I´m gonna get bored of all the sunshine real soon, but for now, I shall enjoy.

Today, I had just about the best cup of hot chocolate ever. The Spaniards make their hot chocolate (o chocolate caliente) very very thick with a touch of sugar. It´s pretty much like drinking a somewhat thin dark chocolate syrup. Absolutely divine. The better part, it only cost me 1€ for what at Starucks would have been a Venti for $3+. It makes me happy. The waiters were super friendly and such. Tapas de Prim...the place to be. I have a feeling me and the waiters are gonna become good friends.

Here´s a question... I am an Asian walking around Madrid, wearing clothes I bought in Madrid....and yet...people still manage to approach me to talk to me in English. Why is that? I wasn´t even speaking English at the time. I am super perplexed. It´s as if I have the scarlet letter printed on my shirt, except the A stands for "American" instead of "Adultress." I don´t know which is worse here. I guess I don´t have it as bad as many of my blonde-haired, blue-eyed counterparts. At least I can pretend I don´t understand English.

Ramblings about El Corte Inglés. For those of you not in the know, El Corte Inglés is a kind of Target/Macy´s/Shaw´s. It´s basically a huge department store with a buttloads of stuff. They have just about everything...from groceries, to garden tools, to designer clothing, to make up, to jewelry, to sports gear, to office supplies. They even have a travel agency. I believe they also offer insurance. Yesterday, with my housemates, I bought a puzzle. Yes, a 1500 piece puzzle. Yes, we are nerds. No, we don´t care.

Anyway, one more class left before I´m done for the day.

Hasta luego...pronounced "asssssta loo O GO" 

Other bit of randomness...people like to know where I'm from. I always ask if they want my "país natal," or my "raíces," my birth country or my ethnicity. They say "país natal" and so I say "los Estados Unidos." I think they're a little disappointed. Then they go, "¿Y tus padres?" (and your parents?) and I say, "Corea." Better. I guess the whole Filippino, Puerto Rican, Mexican, Hawaiian, Brasilian thing is still part of the curiosity here. No...I'm a 100% Korean. I just look like I'm not.

Must do thing if you're ever in Madrid...

Get lost in the Retiro. It's just huge and everything looks the same.

Big news of the day: I found chocolate croissants. Basically, I´m just saying that to rub it in cuz I know how much Justine loves her pain au chocolat. After my Paris experience, I came to Madrid searching for similar bakeries. Bread is sold just about everywhere, but I couldn´t find one single pastry shop minus the really really fancy, expensive one next to my house. However, last weekend, I had the good fortune to come across a pastry shop, or pastelería as they´re called here, while I was on my adventure with Chelsea. I was ecstatic. I already told you about the eclair. Delicious. That notwithstanding, I couldn´t find another quite like it while I traversed the city. Then, yesterday, I was walking to the photocopy shop and I noticed a window filled with pastries. I had seen this window before, but yesterday, I dared to go in. Right there, CHOCOLATE CROISSANTS, or caña de chocolate as they are called here. They´re not exactly the pain au chocolat of Paris or the chocolate croissants of my Boston ABP, somewhere in-between. However, they are still tasty, still flakey bits of chocolatey goodness. Oh yes.

In other bits of randomness...I´ve been bathroom demoted. I am no longer allowed to take showers in the nice bathroom by my room. Apparently, I make too much steam. Okay, so I like my showers hot and my massive cloud of hair requires a little more time and water. The irony of it is that I try to shut off the faucet while I shampoo/condition/soap. The two days that my señora happens to walk into the bathroom I´m having a mental breakdown and using that little extra bit of hot water. Oh well. I think it´s more funny than anything. One thing I can´t wait for when I get back home. Taking a hot shower with good water pressure. That and being able to actually use my cell phone without the ridiculousness that I pay for mobile here.

I´m hungry. I think I´m gonna go in search of food now.

I don’t know if I told y’all, but last weekend, I found Koreans in Madrid. More specifically, I found a Korean church in Madrid. Actually, I found a Korean church about three streets over from my house in Madrid. What a small world, right? I was just wandering around the neighborhood doing some research for anthro and I see a sign that says Iglesia Coreana de Madrid…except in Korean, too. I was totally surprised. I got a chance to talk to the pastor and some other people. It was the most Korean I had used in about two months…actually, probably more because I had an entire somewhat intelligible conversation with the pastor completely in Korean. I never do that. My Korean is just bad. However, being put in that situation forced me to use what little Korean I know, and it actually wasn’t so bad. I think the pressure of the situation made me speak better. I dunno. So I went back for service this Sunday. It was a Korean service and I have enough trouble understanding the Korean service at my own church in the States, and this being the Korean service that is more of a Konglish rather than pure Korean, but still, I went. It was a lot better than I had hoped. I actually understood the majority of the service. I’m really just surprised with myself. Even more, it felt really comfortable. I’ve been going to a Spanish church for the last two months and it’s kinda been a little weird. It’s like really old school GSKPC in the Reverend Chang and Reverend Lee days. I’m talking about like…pre-middle school days. It just felt kinda strange and I couldn’t really get into it, but this Korean church was different. It felt a lot more like the GSKPC I know. I never really realized it, but I really miss having even that little bit of Korean culture around me. I mean, when I at home, I’ve obviously got the fam, and when I’m at Tufts I’ve got my Koreans.

So it pretty much boils down to this, after two months of being the only Korean in Madrid, minus Reid the adopted Korean from Maine, I find a Korean church, and I’m really glad that I did. It helps a little bit with the homesickness. Maybe my Korean will even get better while I’m here. That would be a totally unexpected turn of events.

Anyway, that is my randomness for the day.

• My family...didn't exactly realize how much they really do mean to me.
• My old friends...it's so strange not having them around all the time.
• The comforts of my house...(being able to traipse around in my underwear, having Internet all the time, cooking, taking long, perfectly tempered showers)
• Church in America...a lot harder to come by here.
• Spanish lit. classes...much better than not literature Spanish classes.
• Korean food...I just want some sticky rice and BBQ ribs, Mom's good ones.
• Boys that don't dance weird like Spanish boys do.
• The whole "Smoke Free" thing the USA's got going.
  
• Having the liberty to have friends over to just chill whenever I want.
  

• New friends...they're making things easier here.
• Café con leche...so tasty. Gotta have at least one cup a day.
• Nocturnal Madrid...there's always things to do.
• Cheap European airfare...I get to travel for relatively cheap
• Awesome professors who give us their home phone numbers and tell us to call them if we have any problems.
• Chocolate croissants...napolitanas, cañas de chocolate, whatever you wanna call'em.
• Movie night...keeps me and my housemates sane.
• Fanta Limón...pure soda goodness.
• Chorizo...you haven't really had a sandwich until you've had one with chorizo.
• Friendly españoles...gotta love it when they pretty much adopt you.
• The Metro and the Cercanías...talk about efficient commuting.
  
• Zara...cheap clothes? cheap GOOD clothes.
• Quiet corners...the peace and quiet of my office.
• The opportunity to be here.
  

Anonymous: i feel like i'm high like half the time. and then its normal

Anonymous: and then its like WAHCHA

Anonymous: the lights

Anonymous: dark background parts

Anonymous: and then light backbackground

Anonymous: and all the animals

Anonymous: lighhhtsss

Anonymous: and then cute child

Anonymous: and hten lights and lots of spinning

Anonymous: OMG dude why is the hand placing rings in the ring stand slowly

Anonymous: stopp spinning

Anonymous: OMG

Anonymous: WOBBLY COLORS

Anonymous: you don't understand... how much brain stimulation this is for me.

Anonymous: i feel like my brain is going to burst.

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To be filed away and used later. Haha.

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Yes, well...anyway...Fare well for now...

The pitfalls of being a psych major are many and far between.

1. The automatic assumption that I'm either stupid, or lazy, or both.
• I might be a little bit of both, but I do it because it's interesting to me, I really do want to help people (although some argue that psychologists hurt more than they help), and blood makes me squeamish, so being a medical doctor is out.
  
2. The crazy things you hafta do to try to get into grad school.
• Not just the GREs
• Not just research
• Not just boring data entry
• Not just crazy internships that make you feel like you're worthless
• Not just the two years spent being a research assistant in some lab somewhere, where you are less than nobody
• Not just pretending you like the research to get the job as the research assistant...
  
3. Having to explain that you do NOT want to be a psychiatrist.
• I don't wanna spend my life prescribing medication to people.
• Studies have shown that psychiatric medication isn't always effective and is typically best utilized with other forms of psychological therapy or behavioral intervention to maximize the effect and really lead to a better prognosis for the future
• In simple terms, meds usually can help lighten someone's mood, but more often, it can help someone learn better how to handle the problem for him or herself = stay better for longer.
• I'm okay with the fact that I won't be making as much money. I think I'll survive.
  
4. Analyzing anyone and everyone around you.
• I have friends with control issues, self-esteem issues, impulsivity issues, relationship issues...anxiety disorders, mood disorders, personality disorders, and even just.....pure insanity.
• I don't always realize that I'm doing it, and I almost never tell them about it....it's just there...in the back of my head...
• Really, who doesn't need a bit of therapy??
5. Self-diagnosis: analyzing myself and everything about me.
   
• Today I learned about all things Asperger's, a pervasive developmental disorder...mostly characterized by a deficit in  social skills....maybe that's why I'm a little bit awkward?
• I've also got depression, seasonal depression, slight obsessive-compulsive tendencies, an anxiety disorder, control issues, self-esteem issues, impulsivity issues, relationship issues....at least sometimes I think I do...you get the point...it's a little bit of the hypochondriac inside of me.
  
6. Learning about all the hard psychological stuff and actually seeing some of it is kind of a downer....
• Some parents are just awful. Some people are just messed up and they take it out on other people. Some people are just misunderstood and, therefore, treated like crap....like they're less than human.

• Comfy mattresses
• Perfect for curling up and getting a good night's rest or staying up all night having girl bonding time.
  
• Metronomes
• Stopping runaway trains since 1756 (actually, I don't know when, but yea)
  
• Christmas Carols
• It's never too early. A perfect little pick-me-up.
  
• Novels
• Jane Austen, random Spanish stuff, etc.
• Leaders with organization skills
• Try having one without...
• Cake
• You don't even want to know.
• Good British tea
• Tea time tides me over till dinner.
• Food Network
• Pathetic. I know...
• Email
• I'm addicted, yes, but can be immensely handy.
  
• My friends
• This applies to both friends old and new. There are those moments when you just meet someone and know that you've got a connection. There are those moments when you realize that someone you thought you knew and saw in a specific light turns out not to fit that mold, but is something even better. There are those moments when it doesn't feel weird even though physical and temporal distance has come between you. There are those moments when even though you've drifted apart, your brainwaves are still matched up. In those moments, a friendship is formed, solidified, and sustained. 
• My family
• Every year it's the same cliché about how they're always there for me and whatnot, but this year I've learned that even my family can bring me heartache. Instead of being all optimistic and whatever about it, I've realized that even though they hurt me and I hurt them, they're still family. Even if they'll never really understand me, they still want to do everything for me and to spare me what hurt they can.
• Random acts of kindness
• Even the littlest things can brighten someone's day. That candy cane makes one orphan smile. That kind word makes that person feel like an actual human being. That hug makes a mourner feel less alone. It's not big. It might not even cost anything. It makes a difference.